I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
