And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
