The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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