does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it because I queefed?
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There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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