so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
