You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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