Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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