Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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