Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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