I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
time to smoke my breakfast
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
