I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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