She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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