Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You are a genius and a whore.
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