ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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