theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
