I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
