Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
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Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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