I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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