Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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