Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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