I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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