Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
this hospital has no fireball
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.