Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.