More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
