I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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