seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
