hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As shirtless as possible
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
