It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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