i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dick very happy bro
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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