If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize