I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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