omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
