he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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