VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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