no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
