if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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