Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Welp...herpes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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