Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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