so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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