I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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