Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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