You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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