It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Send help, water and tortillas.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
