You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
