fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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