my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
