so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
