Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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