last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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