The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
then he tried to convert me to islam
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
