i think i have two assholes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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