Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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