There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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